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| ...while the other dawdles in virtual limbo, maybe forever. |
J In the Beginning: It's simple... a new member arrives to the group (mainly, an Asian man). He shyly introduces himself, and in return he is gladly showered with welcoming messages from a bunch of friendly Latinas. Initially, the messages are somewhat generic, but it quickly turns into a daring competition. A series of strategic attacks that includes photos in every angle takes place, clearly very effective to eliminate the competition. Some serious flaming burns the wall. In the end, the most daring and expressive message wins. The new member's attention is officially captured... time for the juicy interaction.
K The Development: The friendship gets comfortable, turning flirtatious, right before everyone. It is not strange for them to briefly disappear... they are IM'ing and video chatting in private. Eagerly returning to show off a new status. The "I Love You's" are used as punctuation marks in every posting. They are the group's official couple, pride and joy of the group administrator. Many send congratulatory messages, and the chance of finding love skyrockets the membership. The couple is madly in love, logically, they want to marry. So, the wedding is announced. Relatives are properly informed (and involved)... everything is just beautiful.
L The Outcome: Unexpectedly, they bump into international laws that like to prove stronger than love. But with deluded faith they believe it is a test, and go on with the wedding plans, safely blinded by love. Bureaucratic processes and cultural differences hit them a few more times. The intensity of the love expressions decreases, followed by an awkward silence. All of a sudden, the bomb goes off: for some mysterious reason, the wedding is cancelled! The deafening sound of clicks de-friending the perpetrator is paired with messages of sympathy. The wall is filled with angry remarks and despair from one part, while the other dawdles in virtual limbo, maybe forever. Once the smoke of the guns settles, a shy apology arises, and a public pledge to forgive and forget the past puts everything behind. Moving on to the next wall.
A real love story... in just three months?... surely for them it was. For the observer, it is very easy to roll eyes and be judgmental. To point fingers and nag about rushing into relationships, of believing before seeing, and so on. Yet, we should understand the value of this experience, and notice the moral to the story, a very ancient moral:
"In all things it is the beginning and end that are interesting. The love of men and women -is it only when they meet face to face? To feel sorrow at an unaccomplished meeting, to grieve over empty vows, to spend the long night sleepless and alone, to yearn for distant skies, in a neglected house to think fondly of the past -this is what love is." - Yoshida Kenko (c. 1300) Japanese poet.
So, from this perspective -walking in the couple's shoes- the length of the relationship is irrelevant, is a true-cyber-love story, from which we all can learn... or at the least, be entertained.
Here's the first of several comments in Spanish posted by a reader. Turns out she had a similar experience... every thing was nice but all of a sudden the guy vanished in virtual air... truth is he got hot-n-heavy with another group member and just decided to pull off a vanishing act on the first (?) girl he was all lovey-dovey for some time. Oh, well, seems like cyber love is not different than f2f. Unfortunately, scammers and cyber predators are following along these trends and they do obtain more than just breaking a distant girl's heart. This indicates we should take responsibility even via internet, to set an example of virtual honesty and keep it clean in the internet.
ReplyDeleteHere's the commment:
'I understand your explanation. But there are other things that we (girls meeting boys via internet) are concerned with. Basically, everything they say can be a lie. I request to use the web cam (if it starts getting more intimate) because I need to know who I’m chatting with. So far, for sure, I’ve been talking with real guys. I usually wait a while for them to take the first step. The most recent guy took the steps, although I’m a little reluctant because I’ve had my heart broken, so I waited and evealuated the situation. It all started very nice, as friends eventually it got more serious with text messages, phone calls and video calls. And we started the day with each other. The nice things stole my heart, it’s been long since I felt important for someone… but I had competition and although we were cool to the point it seem we had a real thing going on, some other girl wanted him too, but I really don’t know what happened. This is what scares me, once the relationship starts getting more serious, will he stop chatting, or to remain in the singles’ groups? Why does he stays in these groups if he found me? And now… where is he? Was I only a game, or did he have feelings for me? How can we know if he is as committed as we are?'